Exploring Boundaries #2

This blog is the basis for a Podcast episode. It is written in a very conversational way compared to other blog posts. As such it reads more like a stream of consciousness than a carefully crafted, grammatically correct article post. Enjoy anyway! :)

What have you discovered since the last episode?

If you missed the last episode (or blog post) the invitation was to explore HOW do you know when your boundaries are being crossed?

A reminder of a couple of ways to define boundaries.

Boundary = a line that marks the limits of an area (Oxford dictionary) Property lines, structures (homes, apartments, parking space.

Personal boundaries = referring to emotional, relational, intra-personal and inter-personal (self and others) boundaries.

I shared last episode that the way I can tell my own boundaries are being challenged is if I become frustrated or angry. There’s a lot of emotional charge or energy or what I refer to as fire 🔥

That’s actually coming up for me today! I’m also noticing as I track my emotional energy or FIRE…🔥 my boundaries are being challenged and I'm being pushed to grow. As I am expanding my business and digging in with my commitment level and being true to my work and to my word, I am also being forced (what feels like forced) to look at even nook and cranny! How my business is modeled, how I handle my taxes, how I continue to beat my head against the wall finding the sweet spot with marketing…for others these tasks may not cause boundary issues at all, but for me, they do.

I am someone who want to do it my way - boundary goes up against anyone telling how to do it.

I also am a big picture person so having to dig in and look at every micro ounce makes me put of a fight, aka boundary!

I don’t mind deep diving into the psyche and the metaphysical world of our journeys in this life (and others), but numbers and rules from externally imposed systems…that’s tough - instant boundary.

Let me tell you one reason why…one piece of the puzzle. Once upon a time when I was about 7 years old I went to the bank with my Dad.

{Oh I need to say, I adored my Dad and this is not a blame Dad thing, it’s a story and my Dad and I got to repair this with each other and he’s no longer with us and he was an extraordinary man.}

When I was standing next to him just watching the bank transaction he lay his arm in front of the teller window and said to me, “that’s none of your business.”

I took that statement, made it an imprint moment and ran with it! I did not question it - I lived it to the fullest! NOW I know it is all my business. My divorce(s) also have been catalysts for waking up that very well hidden shadow that has told me “I will never look at what I shouldn’t and IT'S NONE of my BUSINESS” And the biggest element that I was making none my business, was MONEY.

Listen, when your boundaries are challenged, you have options. You can fight back, you can communicate calmly and with certainty, and/or you can always look and see what is the boundary really for and is it still serving you? Is it helping you grow and mature?

Or is the boundary now in the way?

I have been determined to grow past this boundary with money. The boundary once had a job of keeping me from feeling the hurt or embarrassment of crossing my Dad’s boundary that day.

If you listen to the podcast associated with this post, you'll hear that I realize for the first time that I did not have the skills to respond to being pushed away or embarrassed for doing something wrong. As an adult, I have the ability to apologize to my Dad for crossing his boundary. This resolves something for me. I am no longer at the effect of this memory. I am in an adult conversation, with my deceased Dad, but a conversation nonetheless that heals that moment and time.

“Dad, I’m sorry I crossed your boundary.”

So today I hope you got to hear that it’s okay to investigate boundaries you have today. Are they true? Question them, rearrange them, release them. Also, how boundaries can be unconsciously or consciously put in place. They can also become blocks to growth, so they really are worth exploring.

The same holds true when you divorce. You will find yourself questioning, rearranging, and releasing boundaries.



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