Creating A New Contract

The word divorce actually means separation, severance, a breaking off. The harsh reality can be that we are severing of a contract with each other and our families. The severing also alters our body, mind, soul. If you would for a moment consider (whatever your spiritual devotion) that on a soul level when you got married, it was a sacred act that created a new contract with another person.

When you sever that contract all of sudden you change your course in life. In other words, you were heading in a certain trajectory in life for a period of time, with a particular person, and then all of a sudden it changed. This is particularly difficult when the separation is a shock and not something the two of you amicably realize that you both want.

Initially it can be devastating. You are suddenly facing the fears associated with reorienting and redefining yourself and perhaps reinventing the purpose of your life. A whole lot of "re" happening. In fact for a while it can seem like you’re starting over with everything or drafting a new life contract. All of sudden the once clear(ish) contract becomes a maze without a map. It can also be hard to make new good decisions when your body, mind, soul are still fragmented from each other which can feel like your internal compass is off.

So, what are some ways you can put yourself back together and move forward after divorce?

Take your time and give yourself as much space and grace as you possibly can. Take some time off work or change your schedule so you can get extra rest in the morning or evening. Let the tears flow when they need to. Long deep breathing, roll around on the floor (maybe that is yoga for you), take long walks and naps. Follow the natural flow of your grief and be mindful of not dwelling in one aspect too long without support.

Explore workshops and retreats that offer healing ways to gently grow through your divorce. Meditation, yoga, retreats for spiritual or mental growth, or dance class so you can move in new ways, begin to see yourself in a new way.

Create a new daily practice that is just for you and allows you time to get acquainted with who you are becoming. Could be journaling, or simply reading for 20 minutes a day in the morning with your cup of coffee or tea. Read something that will show you how to have self-compassion and love. Choose a practice that introduces new aspects of yourself you don’t know yet.

The common theme in these suggestions is take your time getting to know who you are now. This time and attention you give only to yourself will slowly help your fragmented body, mind, and soul feel nurtured back together. You can get your internal compass working again, create a new contract and then who knows what's next!

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